God thoughts on a good day

Allow me to set the mood with a little music: It's a Beautiful Morning  (Go ahead and let that play in the background while you read today's post.)

As I posted in late April (Ernowrimo and the anchor of prayer), I had great plans for May. A month off from teaching! The kids still in school! Lots of quiet, alone time to work on my book!  May was going to be Erica Novel Writing Month! It seems, however, that God had other plans for me; to quote the title of Julia Sweeny's memoir, "God said, Ha!"

In my most recent post, I'm not dead yet, I wrote about finding acceptance in the midst of a family crisis. I have no doubt that if I'd not come to accept the current problem affecting our lives, I would not be feeling quite so cheerful this morning.

The rainy week has passed into a sunny Saturday, leaving behind thick grass (and weeds!), trees nearly in full leaf, and my bleeding hearts, pansies, and creeping phlox in full bloom. 

Now that I have some calm and perspective about everything, I can see that under the flow of anxiety over my child, there was a smaller current of disappointment and frustration. I was supposed to be writing, darn it! I wasn't supposed to spend all of my "free," non-teaching time scrambling to find resources. May was supposed to be about my novel and making good progress on it before my next set of workshops and the start of the kids' summer vacation.

This morning, this very good morning, my mind clears as does the sky. Having May off wasn't about having time to write; it was about having time to mother when my child most needed me. I could be completely present for her and not have to hold any emotional energy in reserve for my students. What a gift! I know some amazing parents who work full time and manage serious issues for their children. I tip my hat to them. I know they are simply doing what needs to be done and if faced with full time work and a family issue I would as well. I'm beyond lucky that my child's crisis happened during my free time. Such serendipity! How can I rail against my lack of writing time when that time is spent, instead, being with my child?

Today is a good day. Yes, the sun is shining and the sweet smell of cut grass pleases me as I type, but the best part of today is my heart beating steady with acceptance, feeling gratitude for what is instead of frustration at what isn't.

Now, please excuse me as I end this post. I think I'll follow the Rascal's advice and go outside to take in some clean, fresh air. I'm already smiling.

ErNoWriMo and the anchor of prayer

No, that's not a typo in the title of this post. You have perhaps heard of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). NaNoWriMo is an event held each November during which would-be novelists attempt the insane task of writing a draft of a novel in 30 days. (Click here to learn more about NaNoWriMo.) I've decided the next 30 days will be ErNoWriMo: Erica Novel Writing Month. There's nothing national about it--it's just me (and my cat, Mittens), here at my desk trying to make progress on my novel. 

Mittens says, "You no has plot."

I don't even need to complete a draft in 30 days; I'll save that insanity for November, thankyouverymuch. I simply want to have a chunk of my book written before I begin teaching again at the end of next month. By chunk, I mean that a hard copy, double spaced and single sided, would take both my hands to hold. Notice I say "my hands" because I have very small hands (so we're talking, what? 50? 100 pages?).

Not quite that small. . .

What does ErNoWriMo have to do with PUSH? In the past, I've needed the pressure of outside deadlines to help me focus my mind. Self-imposed deadlines don't work quite as well for me. . .when I know that no one else is waiting for my work, it's hard to sit and write. In the May 2012 issue of Yoga Journal, there's a section about author Ann Patchett and her yoga practice. Patchett describes the connection between yoga and writing like this:

It's about being able to sit in a chair all day. It's about being able to stay with one thought for hours at a time and yet have peace of mind. Yoga is a balm to antsiness. And antsiness is the foe of writing a novel. (as cited in Sexton, 2012, p. 100)

Yoga isn't praying, not exactly, but I find prayer and yoga work in similar ways. They ground me in my day. As yoga anchors my body in the moment, so does prayer anchor my mind. Prayer keeps me humble.

Don't confuse humility--the state of being humble--with humiliation. The latter is forced on us from the outside in order to degrade us; the former can only come from within us and is achieved when we're honest about our strengths and weaknesses. When I write from a place of humility, I recognize that my writing is a gift. I acknowledge not everyone carries stories and poems in their minds. I accept that I am not the best (or even one of the best) writers of my time and I do not feel ashamed by this. Uninhibited by fear (what if people do not like what I've written?!), typing my words feels nearly as effortless as breathing.

Later in the Yoga Journal piece, Pratchett shares about "coping with criticism":

Having a practice that helps you maintain a strong connection to who you actually are is essential to the creative life. Otherwise, you can lose your mind from the criticism and, for that matter, the praise, which can be equally damaging because it doesn't create a clear picture of who you are. You can't control what other people think about your art. . .Yoga and meditation can help. (as cited in Sexton, 2012, p. 100)

And prayer. Prayer is how I "maintain a strong connection" to my true, humble self.


Reference

Sexton, S. (2012, May). Express yourself. Yoga Journal, 246, 96-101.