Excuses, excuses

It's been too long since I posted to this blog. I placed blogging on the back burner as I dealt with our family crisis, finishing the school year (kids), and starting a new batch of workshops (me). As is my pattern, I was slow to return to blogging after falling out of habit. I could have easily fit in a couple of messages in the past month, but did not.  Like a true pot simmering, my mind overflowed with thoughts and ideas fit for posting; somehow I lacked whatever was needed to move from thinking to doing.

I also failed to take spiritual actions to center myself. Outside of church and the typical outward-centered prayers for others, I did not pray. I kinda sorta meditated while helping another person learn how, but I never made time to fully meditate on my own. Gee. . .same old (in)action, same results. Baffling how that happens, isn't it? 

This message is not about making excuses. Rather, it's about reviewing the past two months and recommitting to changing old patterns. (At least this time when I was silent, it was due to inactivity rather than writer's block.)





Here's what I have learned:

• When the kids' routines change, I put myself last
• Work, while important because of the paycheck, should not usurp writing in my life
• Saving time for writing, later in the day, seldom works for me
• It takes nearly twice as long to develop a routine and writing habits as it does to fall out of said routine and habits

Going forward, I must remind myself of these issues and PUSH through them. I've shown myself, repeatedly, that I do not overcome the blocks in my life unless I pray and meditate. When I do these things, everything else seems to fall into place.

Pish posh pash push

What's with this "Pish posh pash push" title? It's true I'm a fan of alliteration, but I promise the title of this post is about more than that poppin' p sound.

I've not done much writing lately (other than posts on Facebook and assorted message boards). The obvious scapegoats are my two children, who have been home on spring break this past week. While I am, admittedly, slow to adjust to changes in my routine, I cannot place all of the blame on vacation week. I've managed to teach/write/blog with my children home at other times.

As usual, I'm the one to blame for my own failings.

To quote Led Zeppelin, it's nobody's fault but mine.  (Hey, that song rocks. Let's digress and enjoy some of Bonzo's beats:
Nobody's Fault But Mine )



Seriously, though, earlier this week, I was on top of the world. The week stretched ahead of me, open to many possibilities. Twice, I awoke and remembered to pray before leaving bed: Help me write, God; help me stay present. At first, it seemed to work. After praying Tuesday morning I was able to blog that night (ErNoWriMo and the anchor of prayer). I was on a roll! Except. . .I wasn't, really.

Two days have passed and I haven't had any desire to work on my novel. I've been trying to convince myself that since May is Erica Novel Writing Month, I don't have to work on it during April. (Yes, I am rolling my eyes at myself.) I haven't even been willing to open my novel and stare at the screen. What gives, God? I prayed on two days. Let's get down to business. Make me willing, ready, and able!

It seems I forgot what PUSH stands for: Pray Until Something Happens. It's not PASH--Pray And Something Happens. There's no immediate cause and effect here: flip the switch and the light turns on; press the button and a buzzer sounds. Rather, the PUSH acronym is all about build up, accumulation, small actions leading to larger ones: bake until done; drive until you see the gas station; study until you learn the formulas; pray until something happens.

It is with a gentle "pish posh!" that I reprimand myself for expecting more progress without putting in more work.  How slow I am to learn matters of the spirit! Why, just on Tuesday, I wrote about prayer anchoring me in humility. Humility? Pish posh! It appears after I clicked "post" on Tuesday, I forgot all about the time and dedication it takes to develop any kind of practice (be it yoga, writing, or prayer). Let's hope this lesson--PUSH, not PASH--stays with me long after I click "post."